Gaggin' in the Grove: Board meeting schedule poses dilemmas

The schedule for village board meetings is pretty cut and dry.

            The first and third Mondays of the month.

            Period.

            So when Prairie View resident Nora Bethman told the Board it was “ironic “that the Board took action on Weiland Road on Martin Luther King Day, I had to wonder if then cold weather was global warming, or a hole in the ozone layer.

            Bethman said the irony was due to the fact that the Board “discriminated” against Prairie View in relation to the Weiland Road project.

            Actually the Board meeting actually reflected one of Dr. King’s values – freedom.  Even though Bethman contends that the ayes (yes, ayes…) of the Board are against her she needs to take into consideration a couple of things.

            First of all, one of the freedoms Dr. King fought for was equality as guaranteed in the First Amendment.  Bethman had the freedom of speech and she also had the opportunity to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.  Oops. How quickly some people forget.

            And before folks start commenting and emailing me claiming “the Board doesn’t give any one freedom of speech because they limit us to 10 minutes.”

            And your point is? Attend other Board meetings and you’ll find it’s not unusual for attendees to be limited to two or three minutes.   Period.

            And if the Board discriminates, did Bethman notice that she had the same courtesy extended to her as a village resident.  I didn’t think so.

            Just because you may disagree with the Board, does not mean you are the victim of discrimination.

            To her credit, however, Bethman may have raised a flag about upcoming Board meetings as they may interfere with major events that can impact, or do I dare say, discriminate against some people.

            Take for example this Monday’s meeting.  It’s not only Chinese New Year, but also the day the music died.  Yes, it’s the anniversary of the plane crash that killed the Big Bopper, Richie Valens and, of course, Buddy Holly.  Needless to say, the Board will be discriminating against the village’s Chinese population and music lovers.  Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.

            And you can kiss the Feb. 17 meeting good bye because that’s Random Act of Kindness Day, which means kind people would be offended.  It’s also President’s Day, so too many people would be preoccupied honoring the likes of Millard Fillmore and Herbert Hoover.  Happy birthday Abie baby.

            March isn’t much better.  The March 3 meeting coincides with “If Pets Had Thumbs Day” and “National Anthem Day.”  A double whammy here.  You’d discriminate against PETA and you run the risk of discriminating against national anthem singers who might claim the Board if unpatriotic.

            March 17. Is St. Patrick’s Day. Say no more.  There is, however, the possibility that people would want the Board to kiss their Blarney Stones.  As I said, say no more.

            April brings with it a litany of celebrations that conflict with the village’s need to conduct business.  April 7 is the highly popular “No Housework Day”, so meeting then would be a personal insult to domestic cleaners and cleaning service.  April 21 is Dyngus Day.  It’s always the Monday after Easter and is considered to be a “fun” Polish holiday.  You run the risk of discriminating against Dynguses and Polish residents.

            On a serious note, it’s also Patriots Day, the day on which the Boston Marathon is held.   Assuming the Board meets (as it should) it will take time out to remember the victims of Patriots Day 2013.

            Hooray, hooray, the lofty month of May.  The Board’s first meeting is May 5 – Cinco de Mayo. Need I say more?   It’s also Oyster Day, so you’d be keeping oyster lovers at bay.  Observant Jews, however, will likely flock the Board meeting.

            The May 19 meeting coincides with Boy’s Club Day.  There’s humor in there, but probably best left untapped.

            The June meeting will also prove to have some challenges.  June 2 is National Bubba Day.  That’s Bubba, not bubbie.  Chances are the Board would be riddled with ridicule for alienating the bubbas of the world, which could result in an increase in the blare of country music emanating from pickup trucks.  The June 16 meeting is up against Fresh Veggie Day that may make PETA happy, but will discriminate against the Vegans of the world who may feel left out because they’ll be sowing their seeds.

            July typically has only one meeting, so the governing fathers and mothers will need to choose carefully.  July 7 is Chocolate Day.  There’s a chance the village will anger chocolate lovers with and without nuts.  July 21 is national Junk Food Day, so the Board will no doubt interfere with the vast number of consumers of chips, pretzels, Slim Jims and various grocery store check-out line delietcables.

            August, which may also yield one meeting, will pose problems as well.  August 4 is U.S. Coast Guard Day, so the village will, no doubt, tick off the present and past Coast Guard members.  Come Aug. 18, the village may be out of rhyme because that’s Bad Poetry Day.  Village officials may not know it, but they’ll annoy the village’s poets.

            Come September, the Board’s first meeting, which will likely be Sept. 8, will conflict with National Date Nut Bread day, impacting the village bakers, let alone nuts.  Sept. 22 coincides with Elephant Appreciation Day.  PETA, as well as some Republicans, might be offended if the Board meets that day.

            The Board’s first October meeting is Oct. 6 which is Mad Hatter Day.  It could be a time for the Board to take into consideration this gem from Alice in Wonderland. ““The Mad Hatter: Have I gone Mad? To which Alice replies: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”  No further comment.

            Oct. is 20 is brandied fruit day, which is totally boring and does not lend itself to a sarcastic remark.  However, the Board could pay homage to many of the people who come to Board meetings by celebrating the big event of Oct. 21 – Babbling Day. 

            November is not without its conflicts.  Nov. 3 is Housewife’s Day, so traditional stay-at-home moms may feel discriminated against.  The Nov. 17 meeting could be a challenge since it is national “Take a Hike Day”, which could result in some suggestive rebuttal.

                        And finally, there’s December.  The Board first meeting coincides with World Aids Awareness Day, which like Patriot’s Day, does not lend itself to anything really funny – but a need to lose sight of its importance.

                        The last Board meeting of the year, if all goes as planned, will be Dec. 15 – Bill of Rights Day which recognizes the first 10 amendments to the constitution – which includes the First Amendment that guarantees freedom of speech, religion, press, petition and assembly.  This is a perfect lead-in to the January meetings, the second of which will be likely be on Martin Luther King Day.  That’s when Americans get the chance to reflect on Dr. King’s message of freedom for all Americans.

            Not just for those who have an axe to grind.