Are You Beautiful? A Few Reliable Sources to Find the Answer to That Question.

Recently I learned of a sad situation in which teen girls were posting YouTube videos of themselves and asking viewers to respond to the question, "Am I beautiful?" They often received cruel, heartless responses that only adds to the misery of the story.  

They should have checked with me first on the steps to take in order to find the real answer to this question. Here is my tried and true beautyometer checklist.

First, ask your parents and/or grandparents if you are beautiful. You think they are obligated to tell you that you are quite lovely? Don't be silly! Good parents (and grandparents) have seen you at your very worst; poopy, full of snot, having a temper tantrum, food falling out of your mouth and yet they still recognize your inherent beauty. Trust them when they compliment you. If you don't have family members that compliment you, I would suggest finding new ones. The ones you have stink and aren't worthy of the real you.

Second, and only if this applies, ask your children if they think you are beautiful or not. If your children are not yet verbal try this, walk into a room they are in and say hello. If their face lights up with a joyful smile, it is quite obvious that you are a stunner. If they are verbal, listen carefully to their response, even the most cynical of teen-agers think that they have the most beautiful mom in the world. Yours is the very first face that they fell in love with and time won't diminish that.  

Next, check with your dog (cats and horses will also do) on your beauty status. Your dog is one of your most reliable resources on the beauty meter. When you are gone for a bit and return home is your dog ecstatic to see you? Do they jump up, lick your face, cry doggy tears of joy at your return? "What's that about?" you ask. It's your beauty that they are responding to! They have never seen anything more stunning than you and they won't let you out of their sight because you are breathtaking.  

Have you checked with your best girlfriends on your beautyometer? Do so right now by either asking them or taking inventory of a few telltale behaviors on their part. Do they confide in you? Seek your opinion? Miss you when you are gone? Call you frequently? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you have your answer, your friends find you beautiful beyond belief. You shine in their eyes and they want to bask in the beauty of you. Why deny them that joy?

Finally, and this is the most important source of all, do you think you are beautiful? Do you look in the mirror with joy and gratitude or derision and criticism? Do you see that slightly enlarged nose and say, "How blessed I am to have a nose that so perfectly mirrors those beautiful noses of my parents"? Do you look at that pudgy belly and feel gratitude for that belly's ability to carry children, process food, or provide you with stability throughout the day? Do you laugh at the wrinkles that you earned through all of life's adventures or do you wish them away as signs of failure because you don't look like the models you see on magazine covers?  

If you haven't surrounded yourself with people (or dogs) who think you are quite beautiful, who is to blame for that? You, of course. If you don't see your own beauty, how will anyone else see it? Don't let the media or the beauty industry or nasty people tell you what beauty looks like. Who are they to define beauty? Figure out what is beautiful to you and then adopt it in your life.  

If you think you can find beauty through a surgeon's knife, a magazine article, or a bottle of cream, you may be looking in the wrong places. Dump anyone in your life who tells you that you aren't beautiful. They obviously have issues! Surround yourself with a good old fashioned fan club with you as the president and enjoy it because YES, you are beautiful.

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist and life coach at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com
You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com.