Men Love Siri, Women Still Looking for Mr. Good Signal Strength Bar

A study in the current issue of Virtual Science has confirmed what many already suspect: men are falling in love with Siri. When Apple introduced Siri – the iPhone 4S virtual assistant – this past October, tech geeks became very excited. But few had the foresight to see that this excitement would also become a bad double entendre.

The just-published research was conducted by virtual scientists at the University of Wisconsin. Based upon telephone interviews with iPhone 4S owners, 79% of men in committed relationships (defined as completely monogamous for greater than 12 months, any recent office Christmas party activities of course exempted) found Siri to be a more desirable romantic partner than their current significant other. Despite the apparent strength of these data, the authors were quick to point out that the Siri preference may be overstated as the male study participants were all involved with women from Wisconsin.

The Siri phenomenon is not just a scientific one. The latest entry in the hugely popular Girls Gone Wild video series, Virtual Assistants Gone Wild, includes footage of Siri (some truly amazing stuff happens just past the 4 minute mark, or so I’m told) and is poised to be their biggest seller yet. Plus, the rumor mill has it that Esquire magazine’s 2012 Sexiest Woman Alive is setting up to be a close battle between Siri and Megan Fox.

Apple has been quick to notice these trends and will soon be offering Siri-themed apps through its iTunes Store. “Sexting Siri” will substantially expand upon her vocabulary and allow her to answer those personal questions to which she now refuses. The specific details of another app, “Siri Love You Long Time”, have not yet been made available, but a hardware purchase of some sort will be needed to take full advantage.

The Virtual Science study also asked women iPhone users about Siri, with 63% describing her as a vapid, catty ogress who they long ago disabled from their phones. When these women were then questioned about what they’d like in a virtual assistant, many expressed a preference for a yellow, nonverbal, smiley-faced character with glasses. When told that this description identically matches that of Microsoft Bob, the colossal Windows virtual assistant failure from the 1990s, the response would typically switch to “Well, just anything but that Siri b*tch”.

[The blogger reserves the right to occasionally go off topic and flat out make things up, and he did receive an iPhone 4S as a holiday gift]