That's a great question.

Before I can answer this great and important question, I have a few questions to help me get a clear picture of the situation. What are the behaviors the teacher is demonstrating? Could you give me some examples? Is this in elementary, middle school or high school? Do you know if this issue has been addressed previously with the teacher?

There's a few problems, though, with your situation. Your definition of "favoritism" runs contrary to reality. When a student, as advised by Judy, reports another student, the teacher only has that student's word to go on. In this case there may not have been any misbehavior, but you seem to be saying that teachers should do nothing when students come and report other students for bad things. It seems to me that if a teacher saw something bad happening, they would intervene without a student needing to tell them, so if a student does have to tell a teacher, there's not going to be evidence.

I'm curious about your "lying" statement. What did the teacher do that was a lie? Was it acting upon the other student's report even though there was no evidence? That doesn't seem to be a lie.

What would you suggest a teacher do with a child who is talking in class? The overwhelming majority of teachers don't just send a student out of the classroom. At the elementary school level that sounds illegal as well (let's just have a seven year old wandering around the school). I've never heard a teacher be criticized for contacting a parent to try and work out a problem. That doesn't sound like a bad teacher to me. When I have children I would want the teacher to phone me and talk to me if that teacher believes there is a problem.

Unfortunately, there are educators who act like bullies…. and in so many cases, unknowingly. In my bullying prevention training to school staff, I raise the question about possible behaviors that teachers demonstrate that either could be considered bullying or perceived as bullying. I share an excellent article with training participants, entitled Educators vs, Bullies by Linda Starr, written in 2006 in Education World that I want to share with Patch readers. Please take a few minutes and read it and let me know what you think. www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/starr.../starr027.shtml

Schoolmarm, I certainly sense your anguish and frustration due the experiences you described in your posting. Everyday in every school, educators communicate professionally, appropriately, and effectively with fellow staff members regarding information that relates to the well-being of a student. Any school personnel who truly gossips about students with other students and staff is deficient in professionalism. Idly talking or spreading rumors about students and their families is wrong!

Schoolmarm, special education teachers rarely send their students to the principal for talking or not paying attention. Depending on the student's classification (including learning disabled, emotional or behavioral disorder, cognitively impaired , to name a few), the Special Ed. teacher has specific training to deal with the types of behavior that may be seen in the classroom. Parents are usually contacted in order that they and the teacher can discuss classroom issues and can work collaboratively to help the student. It is not to tattle-tale or blame.

Schoolmarm, I respectfully disagree with you that teachers are scape-goating students whom they send to the office. I have known new teachers and the most experienced and qualified teachers who need the school’s administrator’s assistance or intervention for a multitude of problems and issues. Not every teacher, regardless of training and experience, can handle every situation. I commend teachers who seek help when needed. It is the hope that the student will learn and benefit from the administrator’s intervention.

I wish your child the best in the new school situation! Hoping for a fresh new beginning.

I'll second that, Judy. I've known a few teachers who would rather intimidate their students than impart knowledge (more so in the upper grades), but a huge majority prefer taking the responsibility for themselves when a student behaves inappropritely. They are usually able to do a pretty good job. Depending on the severity of the behavior, most administrators I've known also prefer the teacher take care of the incident because he or she has to be with that student for part or all of the day and needs to be able to be the one in charge. If it becomes intolerable, the admin. will step in when necessary. As I said, some teachers would prefer to intimidate, but the majority do not. Your experience, Schoolmarm, I believe is the exception rather than the rule.

And the term "helicopter parent" takes on a whole new meaning.

Did I miss something? Is this a discussion about how we solve the bullying problem, or are we bashing parents who want to have a more active role in their children's education?

Monitoring your kid's every moment of existence is the exact reason that kids don't have coping skills. Kids need to be able to be confident and learn how to stand up for themselves, and need to have parents that foster a mutually trusting and respectful relationship where kids feel comfortable coming to them with real problems. Not to mention that I'd think kids' social development would be pretty severely stunted knowing their parents could be watching them at any time - privacy and the ability to be at least somewhat autonomous are important at all ages. What exactly is "active" about this method? And are you going to tell your kids you're watching them, or are you going to hide it and then omnipotently swoop in from on high? Sounds like a solution for people that don't want to have hard conversations with their kids.

I wouldn't do it to monitor my kids. I would do it to monitor the overall atmosphere in the classroom.

One thing's for sure. Bullying would practically vanish overnight in any classroom that was being recorded, and false accusations from kids, teachers, and parents would come to a screeching halt.

I would think that children would feel more secure knowing that if someone picks on them they could tell their parents and teachers to check the recordings, instead of relying on the usual he-said-she-said routine.

Who the heck would have the time to watch the classroom all day anyway. It would really only be used if something dramatic happened and needed to be sorted out.

And if you want to talk about letting our children learn life lessons, then I say they better start getting used to being watched all day because that's what's happening everywhere right now.

What would you suggest for bullying that takes place in unobserved areas such as the bathroom?

That's easy. Post TSA agents in every bathroom stall.

But if we want youth to learn how to solve problems using their heads instead of their fists, a good punch in the nose won't do a whole lot of good. The puncher may feel great at the time, but what then? The punchee comes back with his (or her) fists and maybe a few extra bodies and retaliates and then? Where does it end? Isn't that the problem we have with gangs?

I was bullied in 2nd grade until I knocked down the biggest bully in school with a punch, right in front of a crowd. After that, I was never bullied again. Just like in the movies.

That model won't work for everyone, but I can confirm that it does work, if you can hit the jaw squarely with your first shot. Now, what would have happened if I would have missed...

Actually, if we want to teach our children how to behave in the face of belligerent violence, then they need to learn that sometime violence IS the answer.

That is why police carry clubs and guns, instead of books on self improvement. That is why we have a heavily armed military. Tell me, do you know the nature of the forces that keep you safe at night?

Basically, if the authorities (the school administration and us parents) fail to protect someone from bullying, then they should see violence as a perfectly acceptable recourse. A last recourse to be sure. We adults are hypocrites if we tell them that resorting to violence is never acceptable simple because we hire others to do the muscle work for us.

To tell a defenseless child whose life is being ruined that they can not fight back, is just cruel.

I agree that all the other methods should be tried first, including my camera idea.

Just trying to help, but I guess everything turns into a political bashing game doesn't it.

I encourage a punch with a baseball bat.

Better wear that catcher's mask, too.

Good advise, Crawler!

I know the arguing-debating, I mean- is pointless, but I just can't help myself sometimes. It's a genetic thing. I'm Irish.

I'm Norwegian. Which means I usually turn over and go back to sleep, right after I eat my herring.

Probably just as I'm starting my Guinness!

I hear you - the mantra of 'you don't want to stoop to their level' has been so ingrained in the 'good kids' that they stand there paralyzed while the less-enlightened bullies do what they will.
Problem is, physical violence is usually not in the nature of the victims, and of course the bullies know that.

The problem is it's usually the kid that hits back that receives disciplinary action from the school, and not the bully.

Yep, that's usually the case. That's my son... the quiet, smart kid who tries to be nice to everyone but ends up getting the short end of the stick sometimes. I had to step in and tell him to stick up for himself otherwise he would never do it.

Well, parenting is full of surprises. It was too long later when waiting for then end of sports practice I saw my son clock a kid in the head (wearing helmets). I was shocked, he's not a violent kid. He told me later the other boy was using illegal moves that they aren't allowed to use because kids can get hurt. This was at football and the kid was doing this to my son, repeatedly. I was proud that he stood up to the kid but watching your son whack a team mate is a bit odd!

No direct line from bullying to football, it just amazed me to see my fairly passive kid stand up and hit this kid. For this pacifist mom it was difficult to make the jump from the sandbox - no throwing, hitting, etc of the younger years to raising a young man who was learning that at times physical force was needed to protect himself.

I know, Molly. I was kind of answering tongue-in-cheek. But star athletes are not all exactly the good kids their coaches tell us they are. They're a different kind of bully.